celebrity231

Hope you have your pukin’ bucket handy, cause what I’m about to lay on you is likely to make you dry heave a little!

Clay Aiken has reportedly impregnated a big shot producer named Jaymes. No, Jaymes is not a dude. Of course, the two of them didn’t actually go through all of the trouble of bumping uglies. Instead, they went the turkey baster route and Jaymes was artificially inseminated with Aiken’s sperm.

The thought of Clay Aiken, quite possibly the least sexy person on earth, having sperm really creeps me the hell out. They’re not in a relationship (of course not, Clay is gayer than a rainbow parade in San Francisco!), but Aiken does want to play an extensive role in the kid’s life. Ugh. Can you imaging the Aiken and Wentz babies playing together?

File this in the “No Duh!” department: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are officially having a baby. The duo announced that they’re expecting a kid, saying that they were waiting until after the first trimester before telling their fans. It’s rumored that at their wedding a week or so ago they told everyone in attendance the news.

That poor kid is going to have problems. I mean, for one thing, its mother is a plastic shell of the cute girl that she used to be. I don’t care what everyone says, I liked her best pre-plastic surgery. Also,  its going to have to deal with a dad that wears more eyeliner than its mom. I keep saying “it” because I’m not sure a Simpson-Wentz child will actually turn out to be human.

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

It appears as though Georgie Boy Clooney finally came to his senses and kicked Sarah Larson out the door. Like, literally. Reports coming in are saying that George has temporarily moved out of the home that the two of them share(d), so she can have ample time to get her shit and get the hell out. AWESOME!

I’m going to miss this hobag. She brought the skankiness of Vegas to Hollywood, and if there’s anything that Hollywood has been needing lately, it’s more skank. Sarah Larson, we salute you!

This one is an oldie but goodie, and I can’t stop watching it. The old bag just keeps laughing, even as his female co-anchor scolds him. “You try walking around in those shoes,” she said. His response?

BAH HAHAHAHAH *wheeze* HAHAHAHA *cough* HAHAHAH *wheeze*

This video is so chocked full of awesome, I almost can’t stand it. I mean, these models get paid to do what? Stand around and look pretty, until the occasional time comes around when they have to walk around and look pretty. Apparently, this was way too much for this chick to handle. In the words of my favorite fallen Idol, Danny Noriega, it was TMTH!

I know I’m going to hell in a handbasket, but I love it.

I don’t know if you saw them on the ten hour long American Idol finale show, but the Jonas Brothers were actually pretty good. Now, I’m not much for the Christian-ey background of bible-thumping music that they used to put out, but their new stuff isn’t half bad. In fact, I might even know the words to some of the choruses.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I already feel like a total pedophile. These kids are like, not even old enough to drink yet. That makes it pretty bad that I think the older one is cute. I’m like…a wife beater and a windowless white van away from getting caught by Chris Hansen.

Anyway, the boys have started blogging every day. I forgot, but that was the original reason for this post. Check out their website for more info

Oh, David Cook. How I love you.

For awhile, I was thinking that this guy was sweet and genuine at the beginning of the show, then lost a little weight and gained a few fans and became a total toolbag. Watching American Idol last night (all 57 friggin’ hours of it…how long can they drag out a 5 minute announcement?!), Davey boy totally won me over again.

I mean, he called himself a “Word Nerd”, which makes me want to lay around in bed with him on a lazy Sunday and do crossword puzzles until dinner time. Speaking of, I bet he can cook, too. He’s like, perfect or something.

Now it’s time for me to throw myself into another reality show: So You Think You Can Dance. So psyched.

I know, I know. I’m totally going to hell for the title of the posting.

Things aren’t looking too good for 76 year old Ted Kennedy. The uberliberal Senate Majority Whip was rushed to the hospital last week, complaining about stroke-like symptoms. He ended up having two seizures, one at his home and one in a helicopter on the way to the hospital. Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you…

The good news is, he didn’t have a stroke. The bad news is, he has a malignant glioma, which Wikipedia tells me is the worst kind of brain tumor a person can have and something you really don’t want to fuck around with. Homeboy is set to start chemotherapy and radiation treatments ASAP.

This here’s a vid-ee-oh of country music fee-nom Taylor Swift, kicking ass and taking names during her performance last night at the American Country Music (ACM) awards. Make sure you watch it all the way through to the end…it just keeps getting better and better.

I have to admit, I’m not really a big country music person but I totally rock out to her “our song is a slamming screen door” ditty. Like, I’ve been known to put it on repeat and go on long road trips without listening to anything else. (Whatever! Like you’ve never done it!)

Also, is it me or does this chick look and sound like a less annoying version of Avril Lavigne?

As we all know, Ashlee Simpson married Pete Wentz on Saturday in front of 150 of their nearest and dearest. After the ceremony, the couple announced to the guests that Ashlee is, in fact, expecting a baby (*HORF!*). Daddy Joe Simpson officiated, which only works to confirm my theory that the fetus is the future Anti-Christ. Which magazine the photos (of the wedding, pregnant belly or baby, take your pick) will be whored out to has yet to be announced, but rest assured it’s coming.

In happier news, Loni I-Used-To-Be-Married-To-Burt-Reynolds Anderson got married on the same day that Ashlee did. This makes wedding number four for the hot ass hobag, who has to be one of the classiest women to ever grace the silver screen.

Okay, apparently this is the hobag that ended Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo’s relationship. Her name is Lindsay Betrus, and word on the street is that she’s the blonde skank that Romo was all over in Chicago.  Jessica’s camp are saying that she and Tony are still like, totally together (despite that half of the free world is claiming that they split, including two of Tony’s friends). Regardless of whether or not Jess and Tony are over, the duo are supposed to go to Ashlee Simpson’s wedding together. Ugh…the thought of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz babies gives me indigestion.

According to everyone on the internet and their mother, the Simpson/Wentz wedding will take place this weekend in San Diego. The type of shotgun Joe Simpson will be bringing to the festivities is still undisclosed, however.