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Ashlee Simpson was on the Ellen show today, tap dancing around the “are you pregnant?” question. Are pregnant ladies supposed to be tap dancing? Isn’t that up there with, like, horseback riding or jumping on a trampoline?

I still can’t believe Pete Wentz has a penis. Immaculate conception, maybe? (The thought of Mother Ashlee instead of Mother Mary just gave me the shivers! Imagine a Grilled Cheese Virgin Ashlee for sale on Ebay!) He reminds me of this emo butch lesbian I went to college with. She would blast AFI from her dorm room and flat iron her hair for hours on end while crying about her struggles with “borderline personality disorder”. Waaah!

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