celebrity231

Okay, this is totally going to hurt me more than you. It actually is hurting to type this right now, but MTV is considering giving Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz their own Newlyweds show. I know, I know. What a world, what a world.

Word on the street is that Joe Simpson was pissed that Ashlee’s new album only debuted at #4, her worst showing yet. As a result, he’s pitching the hell out of his youngest daughter to the network, hoping that a new reality show will make people care about her (the way it worked for Jessica). They’re engaged, they’re pregnant and there’s no better time, at least says Joe.  Gag.

Ah, the first mugshot I’ve ever posted for this blog. Shouldn’t I get a cake or something? Hell, at least give me a damn tiara! I deserve it!!!

This is Gary Dourdan, one of the hottest dudes on CSI (besides Gary Sinise, who is on a whole different spin off. Still, I felt as though it should be noted that Lieutenant Dan is the hottest CSI bitch ever). Gary here was caught sleeping in his car by the police at 5:21 this morning. An officer discovered that he had the following:

Heroin- CHECK!

Ecstasy- CHECK!

Prescription pills- CHECKAROO!

Cocaine- Of course!

What, no pot? He ended up posting $5,000 bail and leaving, but not before leaving us with this mugshot. Thanks, Gary. He’s always thinking of his fans!

It was recently released that Gary’s character on CSI won’t be coming back next season. Since he’s going to have some free time on his hands, I’m betting $5, some pocket lint and a delicious Taco Bell chalupa that he’ll be on season two of Celebrity Rehab (which starts filming in June). Any takers?

Word on the street is that our beloved world treasure, Amy Winehouse, is a sex addict. Please excuse me while I puke up everything I’ve eaten in the last year and a half. A friend of hers recently told The Sun:

“It’s funny how she bedded the last two people who have been helping to look after her. Amy is sex-mad — and she gets what she wants.”

I can’t get over how disgusting the image of her naked is, much less the image her naked and bumping uglies with some of Britain’s finest crack heads.  I really do think that I’d rather gargle battery acid while jumping up and down on hundreds of thumbtacks than have sex with Amy Winehouse.

I don’t get the hubbub that surrounds this tool bag. Sure, he’s on a hit TV show (Gossip Girl, which I’m proud to say I’ve never seen. Ever. Except for that one time when I was at my niece’s house and it was on in the background. And then there was that one time that I was flipping through the channels and accidentally ended up watching the whole episode. Whatev!). Granted, he dated Carrie Underwood. All right, so he dumped her via text message, which is probably the hottest thing I’ve ever heard of.

Still, he’s got a MAJOR case of gayface. I’m talking even gayer than Zac Efron, who damn near puts Clay Aiken to shame. He’s like, twink extraordinaire or something.

Here’s the always appropriate Pamela Anderson at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner. Boobs hanging out? Check. Slit up to the hip? Check. Backless, so that everyone can enjoy the glorious side boob? Check. Woo hoo! It’s time to meet the president!!!

Also in attendance were such elegant hobags like Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, Perez Hilton, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, Jenny McCarthy (I’ve loved her since her Singled Out days, and have since renewed my devotion after watching her say the word “shit” on Larry King Live a few weeks ago), the Jonas Brothers and Ben Affleck.

It seems like being a complete and total douchebag is the only requirement for being invited to this event. After all, George W. Bush was the keynote speaker.

Miley Cyrus is an all-around likable girl. I mean, I pined for her dad in the early 90’s…how could I not find her adorable? Unfortunately, lately it seems as though she’s on her way to becoming another Disney disaster child, a la Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears. Entertainment Tonight is reporting that  in the next issue of Vanity Fair, Hannah Montana will be completely naked, with only a sheet covering her naughty bits. And here I thought she was all hardcore Christian and stuff. Pfft.

Even more disturbing, in the photos she totally looks like the scary girl from The Ring. Stay away, soul stealer!!!

Ashlee Simpson was on the Ellen show today, tap dancing around the “are you pregnant?” question. Are pregnant ladies supposed to be tap dancing? Isn’t that up there with, like, horseback riding or jumping on a trampoline?

I still can’t believe Pete Wentz has a penis. Immaculate conception, maybe? (The thought of Mother Ashlee instead of Mother Mary just gave me the shivers! Imagine a Grilled Cheese Virgin Ashlee for sale on Ebay!) He reminds me of this emo butch lesbian I went to college with. She would blast AFI from her dorm room and flat iron her hair for hours on end while crying about her struggles with “borderline personality disorder”. Waaah!

First and foremost, is it just me or does Carly look more than a little like Boy George, circa 1988? (That’s actually a compliment, Boy George was at a party I went to once in NYC a couple of years ago and dude was looking HOTT!)

I digress. Carly Smithson was the last person booted from American Idol last night, which surprised just about everyone on stage. In other reality TV news, Sheila got kicked out of the Big Brother house, leaving Adam and Ryan to fight over the $500k prize on Sunday. I’ve got my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for Ryan, because his googley eyes get me all tingly inside.